Now this is one of my few rare moments where i get to sit down in front of the laptop with a nice cup of ceylon tea, vintage 80’s playlist set on Spotify and the ever cluttered WordPress’ dashboard staring back at me. Here it is, placing my fingers on my bacteria-infested worn-out yellowish keyboard waiting for my every keystroke; translating my thoughts and feelings into words specially for curious readers like you.
You have been forewarned, I’d like to make this post a very personal one so my full-blown emotional retardedness will come into light.
A couple of “i will tell this to my kids what happened during my NS life” events happened just within a span of two weeks. I would have to say it was the magnum opus of “holy shit this didn’t just happen but it did oh yeah just fuck it”. Unfortunately i am not allowed to disclose anything here. Classified stuff , too bad we’re all bounded to an oath. I’m still reeling from all the excitement. Now is there a second time to it? How about a third? Three time’s a charm they say. Anyway, just 1 and a half more months to go. I need a job pronto.
That isn’t exactly the point i’m bringing across here. Not about my magnum opus.
This isn’t a self-pity post. It’s about the hot issues i need to straighten out on my own. Over the years, i’ve done my best to be self-aware, to try to be empathetic and tweak my EP(emotional prediction) to curb any damage done unto my friends and relationships. I admit i’ve made mistakes. Many bridges were burnt down, with no way to mend the friendship that held us together. I admit i burnt some of them. Call me heartless. Rethinking friendships…sometimes is healthy.
The foundation of friendship/relationship shattered within a day. If it happens, it happens. There is definitely a reason why it happened. I may or may not know the reason. But there is, there always is. I accept things as it is. I happened to come across a quote somewhere in camp a few days ago; “Cities take years to build, it takes a blink of an eye to take it down. Build it anyway”. It goes something like that or somewhere along the line.
This made me think. Why build friendships and relationships knowing the possibility that it will burn one day, why build it? Was it worth it to give it a shot? Was it to give our hearts a temporary shelter amidst the dust that hasn’t been settled for our past mistakes? Or were we learning to love again?
As i silence this heart, i look back at the good it gave, the good it received. Turn them into memories because that makes it so worth it. Once in awhile someone comes into your life to save us. To steer us back, mend us. Breathe life into us once more. Thank them for that. Thank them for everything.